Cultivating Presence Matters for Leaders

A key challenge that I’ve observed in business is that many execs are struggling with the need to be present, especially at a time when many valuable employees are choosing to leave their jobs.

Companies are left struggling to find great talent. As a result, it’s more important than ever to view employees as individuals, to be sensitive to their unique needs, to pay attention and to listen to them carefully, to validate them, and to honor what’s most important to them — in order to attract and retain your best people.

As a leader, presence is one of the greatest skills you can master in two directions. First, it allows you to be there fully for those around you as they seek guidance and observe how you show up. And secondly, it allows you to be be yourself more fully and authentically in the moment. When you convey presence, people respond as they feel seen, heard and valued. And at the same time, you operate at peak performance levels tapping your gifts and talents in real time.

Your relationships with others improve by default. Being fully present allows for richer, more meaningful connections that foster trust, credibility and loyalty because others sense you have their back and genuinely care about doing right by them. You’re fully engaged, switched on, and aren’t focused on conflicting agendas. It turns out your presence is just about the greatest gift you can give to those around you – including your employees, co-workers, shareholders, friends, family and others.

During my many years at Apple, I had some great bosses. For example, I recall how meaningful it was when I announced my engagement that my supervisor at the time made a big deal out of pausing the meeting to acknowledge the news. His reaction was more that of a caring uncle vs a manager at work, and he subsequently arranged a party to celebrate this important milestone in my life.

I don’t see that in the workplace much these days (or even back then); it meant a great deal to me, and it engendered even greater loyalty to him as a leader (and to the company!) than I already felt.

On a personal note, I was at a family gathering awhile back; an important one — my aunt’s 80th — and I don’t get to spend a lot of time with my immediate or my extended family, so I was really looking forward to it. I’m so used to operating with my To Do list and unfinished tasks to take care of in my head. My mom had to remind me to focus on being present and in the moment. In fact, we went into a book store near the event, and she bought me a book entitled “1001 Ways to Live in the Moment.”

Of course I embraced it immediately; how perfect. It was an act of grace that the book showed up at that moment and re-framed the importance of being present. As my mentor Alan Cohen is fond of saying, “you can change the world by the power of your being.”

So as we power into this year, consider what you can do as a leader to be more present to your own employees and teams. What can you do to make each individual feel genuinely valued, validated and appreciated? Your presence will pay off in terms of allegiance, increased productivity, greater teamwork and increased retention. And it will go a long ways towards fostering long-term trusted relationships that may extend well beyond your current workplace and throughout your entire career.

Reinvention and Transformation are Key Trends this Year

In addition to the challenges, there have also been a number of unanticipated gifts during the pandemic.

The “Great Resignation,” is an example in which employees are voluntarily choosing to leave their jobs in the pursuit of a more flexible (and meaningful) lifestyle.  This phenomenon was fostered as we were all tethered to our homes throughout the pandemic, and many of us realized that we had more time with our families and loved ones – and reduced stress and loss of time as a result of fewer meetings, office politics, and soul-crushing commutes.

We started to realize what really mattered to each of us – and it wasn’t necessarily more material goods, but instead doing things that best used our talents and passions, and that created meaning, legacy and impact in our lives. Many of us realized that through technology we had the means of being able to work from home remotely and do just as good a job as we could have done in the office – if not better without a commute and fewer distractions.  And as importantly, the reasons why many choose to leave companies is because of bad managers that don’t honor, empower and validate them as unique individuals.

As a trusted advisor, this is the work I do with my clients who are often at a “what’s next” crossroads. My goal is to empower them, help them see possibilities they may not see for themselves, and transform the quality and the meaning of their lives so that they do more of what lights them up and fulfills them now — not waiting for someday — vs what others think they should do, and living with constraints imposed on them like shackles.  We weren’t meant to live life that way; that’s simply a recipe for despair.

Imagine instead a life of following your intuition, knowing exactly what you are meant to do in this life, and having the ability to pursue the path that’s calling to you. Imagine having a sense of direction, living life to the fullest, and playing full out on your own terms with a sense of agency and sovereignty.  When people are following their passion, living their gifts and talents, and pursuing what they are called to do, they are happier, more fulfilled and operating at peak capacity, and they create a ripple effect that uplifts others in their circle by extension. So the transformation at hand is a reflection of the insights many of us came to during this period of isolation and remote work, fueled by the pandemic, which has caused us to re-assess all of these things and more.

Here are a few tips to consider as you contemplate transforming aspects of your work and life:

• Do you enjoy what you do for work? – If not, what can you to do take steps to shift into something that’s a better fit?
• Do you have a clear vision for what you want your life to look like – your relationships, your work, your lifestyle, and how much you really need to have the life you envision that would bring you the most pleasure?
• Can you afford to make a change that would bring you greater meaning and fulfillment?  If not, what steps can you take to adjust your lifestyle – from paring back on unnecessary expenses to re-locating to a more affordable location?
• Do you have a support network that works for you – or are you tolerating relationships that no longer serve you (professionally and/or personally)?   If so, it may be time to take stock, re-assess and make changes that will ultimately create more happiness, peace of mind, and bring you greater fulfillment.
• Last but not least, what is it that gives your life meaning and fulfillment?  How many of the things that do are in your life right now today, and what can you do to manifest more of the things you envision?  Starting creating and living your legacy today.

Reinventing and transforming your life can be challenging, yet at the same time the rewards are well worth whatever transitions you go through to craft a life that empowers and lights you up on all fronts. That’s something worth paying attention to this year!

Life Beyond Labels

Bust through Barriers, Move Past Mediocrity, and Embrace Your Creativity as a Result!

Beyond the pandemic that has affected us across the globe externally, there is an equally insidious epidemic that has happened to many of us internally that is not widely discussed but which can be just as crippling – and for far more than a couple of years; for many of us it’s something that if not addressed consciously and mindfully can affect us for our whole life.

I’m talking about the impact of imprinting and conditioning that starts when we’re small and builds over time. Simply put, the effect of others labeling us – and ultimately labeling ourselves – without regard to the often crippling consequences.

No Surgeon General’s Warning

You know how on packs of cigarettes there used to be a warning about how smoking cigarettes could be harmful to your health (duh!)? Well, unfortunately, there’s no such warning about the impact of imposing (nearly always false!) labels on others and ourselves – I wish there were!

Did anyone ever tell you that you weren’t good enough at something? Or that you’d never amount to anything? Or that you weren’t smart enough? Or that you weren’t creative? That kind of labeling starts when we’re young, and it can leave a lasting, lingering imprint if we don’t address it. By contrast, when we have parents, relatives and teachers who encourage our individual gifts and talents, we’re far more likely to thrive – in school, at work and in life!

An avid reader as a child (and something of a loner inherently), I was told I wasn’t good at sports and should stay focused on my intellectual side. As a result, I never engaged in team sports and didn’t pursue athletics in any way other than as an observer. No surprise, when people were chosen for sports teams in school, I was always among the last to be picked.

Though my mom encouraged my sister and me to engage in arts and crafts. Though I actually won awards for my projects, my sister was dubbed “the artistic one,” and me “the intellectual.”

When John Lennon was five, at school his teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He wrote down “Happy.” She told him he didn’t understand the assignment, and he told her that she didn’t understand life. Wise beyond his years even then at five years old!

More recently my friend rocker Paul Stanley of KISS recently observed something similar. A mother tweeted how her six-year-old daughter painted an amazing scene in an after-school art club and the art teacher told her she’d done it wrong. She was so upset as art was her favorite thing to do. Paul was mortified. He responded to the child through her mother, “your art is AWESOME!! There is no such thing as doing art ‘wrong.’ There are only teachers who are wrong! Keep doing exactly what you’re doing; I LOVE it!”

How about you? What labels have you carried throughout your life, and how have they impacted how you saw and interacted with the world in terms of barriers or constraints?

Busting Through (Usually False) Labels Is Liberating

As a result of growing up and living these false labels, we adopt belief systems about who we are and what we are and aren’t capable of. And we diminish our capabilities, hold ourselves back, and limit our life circumstances – all because of things others said that we took on as being true about us.

When you realize that you are not the labels others have imposed on you, you can free yourself to take back your power and choose to see yourself differently. When you see that those were just belief systems that no longer serve you (and never did – and weren’t even true!), you are free to take on whatever is calling to you to be and do now.

For example, you’re being led to take up painting (maybe for the first time ever) – but you’ve held that you weren’t creative all your life – try taking a class and dabbling in it; wade in and prove that in fact that believe was a lie.

One highly effective tool to begin breaking loose these old beliefs and thought patterns about ourselves is to question the truth about them. Byron Katie is an author and speaker who teaches a method of self-inquiry known as “The Work” (and has published books and courses on this approach). Effectively it encourages us with four powerful but simple questions to address stressful beliefs, anxieties, and assumptions that may have held us in their grip for years and gently moves us to self-evaluate whether these are really true – and to re-frame new possibilities that are likely to be more positive and freeing allowing us to move forward in our lives with peace and ease.

What Might Be Possible if You Embrace the Label of “Creator” (Get Curious)

A colleague of mine, Steve Chandler, is an inspiring coach and author. One of my favorite books of his addresses this topic head-on – and it’s simply called “Creator” (I highly recommend it).

Can you see how powerful it can be to make some time for introspection to consider where you may have held yourself back by living old beliefs, labels, and limitations that others (or you yourself) have imposed on you that have resulted in you playing small or holding yourself back in life? Can you also see the promise and potential in terms of what’s possible in your life when you shift out of those debilitating mindsets?

I hope you’ll make the time and effort to get curious, take a closer look and evaluate this for yourself. You owe it to yourself and to those you love to take the reins of your life, embrace the truth about your gifts and talents and who you really are, and plot a truly empowered course from here forward. I’d love to hear what you learn. Reach out to me if you want more support with this or just want to share your insights.

Bringing Much Needed Joy to the World

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