Category: Spirituality

Life Beyond Labels

Bust through Barriers, Move Past Mediocrity, and Embrace Your Creativity as a Result!

Beyond the pandemic that has affected us across the globe externally, there is an equally insidious epidemic that has happened to many of us internally that is not widely discussed but which can be just as crippling – and for far more than a couple of years; for many of us it’s something that if not addressed consciously and mindfully can affect us for our whole life.

I’m talking about the impact of imprinting and conditioning that starts when we’re small and builds over time. Simply put, the effect of others labeling us – and ultimately labeling ourselves – without regard to the often crippling consequences.

No Surgeon General’s Warning

You know how on packs of cigarettes there used to be a warning about how smoking cigarettes could be harmful to your health (duh!)? Well, unfortunately, there’s no such warning about the impact of imposing (nearly always false!) labels on others and ourselves – I wish there were!

Did anyone ever tell you that you weren’t good enough at something? Or that you’d never amount to anything? Or that you weren’t smart enough? Or that you weren’t creative? That kind of labeling starts when we’re young, and it can leave a lasting, lingering imprint if we don’t address it. By contrast, when we have parents, relatives and teachers who encourage our individual gifts and talents, we’re far more likely to thrive – in school, at work and in life!

An avid reader as a child (and something of a loner inherently), I was told I wasn’t good at sports and should stay focused on my intellectual side. As a result, I never engaged in team sports and didn’t pursue athletics in any way other than as an observer. No surprise, when people were chosen for sports teams in school, I was always among the last to be picked.

Though my mom encouraged my sister and me to engage in arts and crafts. Though I actually won awards for my projects, my sister was dubbed “the artistic one,” and me “the intellectual.”

When John Lennon was five, at school his teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He wrote down “Happy.” She told him he didn’t understand the assignment, and he told her that she didn’t understand life. Wise beyond his years even then at five years old!

More recently my friend rocker Paul Stanley of KISS recently observed something similar. A mother tweeted how her six-year-old daughter painted an amazing scene in an after-school art club and the art teacher told her she’d done it wrong. She was so upset as art was her favorite thing to do. Paul was mortified. He responded to the child through her mother, “your art is AWESOME!! There is no such thing as doing art ‘wrong.’ There are only teachers who are wrong! Keep doing exactly what you’re doing; I LOVE it!”

How about you? What labels have you carried throughout your life, and how have they impacted how you saw and interacted with the world in terms of barriers or constraints?

Busting Through (Usually False) Labels Is Liberating

As a result of growing up and living these false labels, we adopt belief systems about who we are and what we are and aren’t capable of. And we diminish our capabilities, hold ourselves back, and limit our life circumstances – all because of things others said that we took on as being true about us.

When you realize that you are not the labels others have imposed on you, you can free yourself to take back your power and choose to see yourself differently. When you see that those were just belief systems that no longer serve you (and never did – and weren’t even true!), you are free to take on whatever is calling to you to be and do now.

For example, you’re being led to take up painting (maybe for the first time ever) – but you’ve held that you weren’t creative all your life – try taking a class and dabbling in it; wade in and prove that in fact that believe was a lie.

One highly effective tool to begin breaking loose these old beliefs and thought patterns about ourselves is to question the truth about them. Byron Katie is an author and speaker who teaches a method of self-inquiry known as “The Work” (and has published books and courses on this approach). Effectively it encourages us with four powerful but simple questions to address stressful beliefs, anxieties, and assumptions that may have held us in their grip for years and gently moves us to self-evaluate whether these are really true – and to re-frame new possibilities that are likely to be more positive and freeing allowing us to move forward in our lives with peace and ease.

What Might Be Possible if You Embrace the Label of “Creator” (Get Curious)

A colleague of mine, Steve Chandler, is an inspiring coach and author. One of my favorite books of his addresses this topic head-on – and it’s simply called “Creator” (I highly recommend it).

Can you see how powerful it can be to make some time for introspection to consider where you may have held yourself back by living old beliefs, labels, and limitations that others (or you yourself) have imposed on you that have resulted in you playing small or holding yourself back in life? Can you also see the promise and potential in terms of what’s possible in your life when you shift out of those debilitating mindsets?

I hope you’ll make the time and effort to get curious, take a closer look and evaluate this for yourself. You owe it to yourself and to those you love to take the reins of your life, embrace the truth about your gifts and talents and who you really are, and plot a truly empowered course from here forward. I’d love to hear what you learn. Reach out to me if you want more support with this or just want to share your insights.

The Magic of Asking for What You Want

Do you believe you can have virtually anything you want? I do.

We all have a magic wand that can help us achieve our desires, but we forget that we do and overlook the power at our disposal to dramatically increase the odds of having what we say we most want in our lives. We simply need to make requests of others and ASK for what we want. That’s the big secret and the big opportunity.

I’m often asked about my experience in having Steve Jobs as a mentor for many years — and how that came about. We both grew up in the same town (Cupertino, CA) in what would become known as Silicon Valley; Steve was seven years older than I. When I was in high school, I was a member of a group called Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA), and we were challenged with approaching someone in business who we admired to ask if they’d be open to mentoring us. I chose Steve because I saw his genius early on (even at my young age) and was fascinated by Apple as the Wonka factory in my own backyard. I approached him at one of a couple of favorite healthy restaurants in town that I’d see him at periodically when I went out with my Mom.

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I guess he appreciated my moxie and intelligence, sized me up, and agreed to give it a shot. I kept the relationship a secret for many years as I was always very protective of Steve’s privacy (as I would later be with many of the major musicians I interacted with), but needless to say that relationship influenced and altered my life in many ways throughout the course of my career and still informs how I operate in the world decades later. And it was all because I made a request; I reached out and ASKED for what I wanted. That ‘moxie’ has guided me to do the same thing over and over throughout my career, and has opened many doors and allowed me to meet and create relationships with so many musicians, leaders and influencers who I’ve admired and who have since become colleagues, peers and friends.

So, don’t overlook the fact that you too have the ability to ask for what you most want. Don’t be afraid to do so. You won’t always be met with a favorable reception, and you won’t always get what you want. You may need to ask a whole bunch of people. But if you keep at it, and start to refine your approaches in ways that dramatically increase your chances of success, odds are you’ll start to notice more favorable outcomes that move you closer to your goals time and again. I can almost guarantee that the results of you reaching out and asking will be well worth the effort. Choose to go for what you want vs settling for the status quo, be patient but persistent if need be, and you’ll literally propel yourself closer to having what you say you most want. So, give it a go!

Bringing Much Needed Joy to the World

The Simple Pleasures of Summer

Summer always seems to be a season everyone universally looks forward to. Plenty of fresh air, longer days, warm sunshine, family time, time off for vacations & travel, summer camp, picnics, fireworks, concerts and so much more that’s unique to each person. And of course how we spend time changes throughout the course of our lives. Here are some reflections of how it’s been for me and what it’s meant over the years. …

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Serendipity: Pay Attention to Random Occurrences

Part of being mindful is that we are that much more attuned and receptive to seemingly chance occurrences as we go about our day. Especially if we live from a stance of “what if” and possibilities as I do. For example, recently I ran into a woman in the green room as I was in NYC getting ready to tape a segment for a business show on TV — and she asked what I did; I told her I was a super-connector. She held up a book that she’s just written called “The Connector’s Advantage” and we both had a laugh. I made a new friend instantly in the author, Michelle Tillis-Lederman, who is an author and leadership speaker — and who subsequently invited me to become part of a group she’s involved with for female authors. You just never know right? …

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