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5 Conversation Tools For Nurturing Your Relationship With A Mentor

This article is more than 9 years old.

By Kelli Richards

We’ve all longed for a classic mentor-mentee relationship at some point in our careers. We want someone who is savvy and seasoned. We want her to provide the perfect insights and career advice that will help us reach our goals. We want someone who will guide us to our destination.

I’ve been fortunate to have several fantastic mentors during my career at Apple and beyond — and equally as fortunate to have counted Steve Jobs as one of them. These mentors helped me get my MBA, navigate workplace politics, and chart a path to success by bolstering my self-confidence to strike out on my own to forge the unique path I’ve paved for myself.

I recommend anyone who’s just beginning her career to seek a mentor with relevant experiences who can act as a sounding board for ideas; offer feedback, guidance, insights, and wisdom; open doors within established networks; and help you avoid costly career mistakes.

But as with any relationship, you can’t just walk in the door and expect to make an instant deep connection with somebody. Relationships take time to grow. While trust takes time to build, you can use these five powerful conversation tools to make the connection more impactful each time you meet with your mentor.

1.Be reliable. Mutual respect is the foundation of any good relationship and applies to honoring the mentor-mentee relationship, as well. That means being on time and professional for scheduled conversations and meetings, giving your full attention to your mentor when you spend time together, and expressing your sincere thanks at every opportunity. Ideally, you can demonstrate that you’ve acted on your mentor’s counsel and can share your results.

2.Communicate frequently. As a mentee, it’s your responsibility to reach out to your mentor when you need her. You should express your appreciation both verbally and with your actions. Take suggestions to heart, act on them, and send regular notes to communicate your progress and how you’re applying advice. Make it clear that you’re following through so your mentor knows she’s investing her time wisely.

3.Get personal. While the meat of your mentor-mentee relationship will center on lessons you can learn from your mentor’s experience, all good relationships start with active and direct human conversations to build rapport.

Ask your mentor how she spends her free time and what interests her. What does she like to read about, and what topics catch her eye inside and outside of your shared industry? Also, what are her coaches or mentors sharing at the next level that could be instructive?

Insightful questions like these will help you reciprocate within your relationship to send along interesting links she might enjoy. It also allows you to get to know one another on a personal level, which is how you develop trusted relationships that stand the test of time.

4.Tap into hindsight. With her years of experience, it’s likely that your mentor has more insight into your career and industry than you do. Tap into these insights by asking what she would do differently if she were starting over.

Which professional organizations have been worth the investment? Which of her instincts paid off as she navigated the corporate ladder? Her experiences could help you avoid or overcome major pitfalls and challenges and optimize success in your own career.

5.Ask for honesty. Your mentor should always be straightforward with you and never hold anything back, but it’s important that you establish up front that you’re receptive to all types of feedback and that you welcome transparency. She may be the only person in your life who has this type of relationship with you and won’t sugarcoat things or placate you. That honesty will prove invaluable as you progress in your career.

As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry once said, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.” Fortunately, it’s within your power to initiate and develop a relationship with someone who can open doors to the rest: a strategically chosen mentor with valuable experience to share who is willing to shepherd your success and growth.

Kelli Richards is the CEO of The All Access Group. She and her team facilitate strategic business opportunities in digital distribution among technology companies, established artists and celebrities, film studios, record labels, and consumer brand companies to foster new revenue streams and deliver compelling consumer experiences.